


Unspoken

by aerye



Category: due South
Genre: Comment Fic, Early Work, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 22:34:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11171478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerye/pseuds/aerye
Summary: Kowalski's not saying something. Ray makes him say it.





	Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> I think this was "screw around at work" comment fic.

Ray told himself he would bail on this whole thing the first time, the _very_ first time, Kowalski said Fraser's name while they were fucking. It was one thing to know that you were standing in for someone else, someone so damned perfect only an idiot would even try to compete. It would be another thing entirely to hear absolute proof of that whispered or shouted or groaned at the wrong moment, and once that happened he figured he and Kowalski would never be able to go back. So Ray just made himself a promise that this was fine while it lasted, that this was all hunky dory good (if completely unexplainable and totally outside his experience), but that the first time Kowalski made Fraser noises Ray was gone.  
  
Ray made that promise the first time, that first time when they fucked up against Kowalski's door and Kowalski almost bit his lip through trying not to say anything. Afterward, it didn't take rocket scientist to know what Kowalski was trying not to say, and that's when Ray made himself the promise.  
  
Except. Except that was weeks ago, months ago in fact, and now it was kind of wearing on Ray, this waiting for the other shoe to fall. He feels the tension like a brace strapping his ribs, making it hard to take a deep breath. He and Kowalski have fucked on just about every available surface in Kowalski's apartment, and in both their cars, and even at Ray's house once when the family was down in Florida, and Kowalski's made a lot of noise through all of it but never once, not once, has he said Fraser's name. Not Fraser or Frase or Ben—or even Benny, which would have freaked Ray out but still—the waiting would have been over, Ray could have taken the punch like a man and moved on. Instead, he's stuck in this place where he can't get enough of Kowalski like this, naked and sweaty and strung out and hard. Slitted blue eyes that watch every move he makes and Ray has to close his eyes instead. He's inside Kowalski, moving slowly, deep, deep, deep, as far as he can go, until Kowalski moans and tightens his legs over Ray's shoulders.  
  
The room is quiet, nothing but the muted creak of the bed and the steady hum of the air conditioner, and suddenly Kowalski catches his breath and Ray opens his eyes to see it, to see the way Kowalski turns his head and sinks his teeth into his lip, biting off the words before they come. And Ray can't stand this any more, enough, enough, _enough_. He doesn't care how much it's going to hurt, doesn't care that until this moment he didn't realize how much he never wants this to end, and he tightens his hands on Kowalski arms and shakes him, shakes him hard.  
  
"Say it, Kowalski, say it, Jesus, just say it already," and he knows that his fingers are getting tighter and tighter—he's going to leave bruises and he doesn't care. At least it will be some proof, for a while, that he was here, that it was him and not Fraser.  
  
And Kowalski's looking up at him with eyes full of misery; he knows this will be the end, too, knows that whatever comfort there's been in this thing between them will be gone, and that softens Ray's voice. He leans down, touches his forehead to Kowalski's and says it again, forces it out, "Say it, just say it," and he starts to move again, fucking him harder.  
  
And Kowalski is trembling now, his breath hissing through gritted teeth. His lip is red where he's bitten it, and he opens his mouth on a sob and tries to pull away.  
  
"I can't—"  
  
" _Say it_ , goddamn you, Kowalski, just say it, say it, say it..." Get it over with, over with, over with—  
  
"Vecchio—"  
  
"Say it!"  
  
"I—"  
  
" _Say it!_ "  
  
"—love you, Jesus, I—" And Kowalski isn't trying to get away anymore. He's wrapped his arms tight around Ray, holding on and pulling him down, like Ray would try to get away, and Ray can feel his hot breath against the side of his face, "—love you, you bastard, love you—"  
  
And something goes off inside of Ray and he's crying out, coming. He's kissing Kowalski, who keeps saying it, saying that he loves him, filling Ray's mouth with the words, and Ray's crazy, he has to be crazy, this can't be real and oh, shit, it's _real_ , and he's lightheaded and the band around his ribs is gone and he's breathing in air, air filled with the smell of sex and sweat and Kowalski, and he's breathing deep, he's breathing deep, he's breathing deep...


End file.
